My boyfriend has a nicer house, and says I should live with him. My mortgage is paid off. He believes I should pay half of his monthly costs. Is that fair?

Dear Quentin,

My boyfriend is a homeowner with a 30 year mortgage balance of $150,000 at 4% interest. He has $275,000 in cash and retirement savings. He is retired.

My house is paid off. I have $50,000 in cash and retirement savings. I want to retire in one to two years.

We want to live together but can’t agree on a reasonable “fee” to pay. He does not want to live in my house because there are few good things.

He believes that I should pay half of his monthly rent to his nicer and more expensive house. He can pay his mortgage and save $600 a month, but he likes to have cash.

I forgot about that luxury and paid off my mortgage. Now I’m working on building my savings. I feel it is unfair for me to pay half the mortgage interest.

I don’t know what the cost of repairs and maintenance should be expected from me, if I don’t have money in his house. There are many opinions, none of which feel right.

Here are the options he suggested:

· I live in his house and therefore I rent my house. Pay him half of the money I got from that list.

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• Pay half of the cost of living and maintenance of his house while I live.

· Pay him what I pay to live in my house now for taxes, insurance, and utilities: $800/month.

What do you say, Money?

Landlord & Girlfriend

The Landlord,

I’m sure your house is just as nice. And just because he believes it, doesn’t make it so. If you don’t pay a mortgage on your own house, I don’t believe you should pay another red cent to live in his house.

That is, you should not leave this arrangement with a higher payment, because he (a) wants you to live in his house and (b) help him pay his mortgage, or his tax and maintenance.

Both of you made different decisions: Your home is mortgage-free, so you can use this time to build up your savings for retirement and/or a rainy day.

You worked hard to pay your mortgage, and you have $50,000 in savings, less than 20% of your boyfriend’s savings. He has $150,000 left on his mortgage, and that’s his choice.

If her goal is to get help paying half of her mortgage, she can find a tenant to do that for her.

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You are not the answer to his long term financial plans, you are his life partner. If her goal is to get help paying half of her mortgage, she can find a tenant to do that for her. What to do are you expect from you? Forget what he expects.

In the way he is approaching this arrangement, it seems that he wants to be like a medicine and a fabric softener – a girlfriend ​​​​​​​​​​and a tenant in one useful bottle to satisfy and clean his financial plans.

Bottom line: You don’t have to compromise any plans to build your nest egg. The woman does not turn. Only agree to his plan if – with the help of a real tenant in your house – it also helps you.

In other words, the result you need is more important than the advice he gave. He can save $600 a month! That is his business. It’s not you. What do you want to have in your pocket every month?

Find the item are you desire, and then work backwards toward that goal. For example, if you can pay him $800 a month, make a $1,600 down payment on your house, and put $800 in your savings account, do that.

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You have come a long way. Don’t let these negotiations become a stalemate.

Check it out the private Moneyist Facebook section, where we look for answers to life’s toughest financial issues. Readers write to me with any kind of problem. Post your questions, tell us what you want to know more about, or read about the latest Moneyist columns.

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Also read:

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‘We will not outlive our money’: How can we give $10,000 to our brothers and sisters without offending the rest of the family?

‘I hate being cheap’: Is it still acceptable to arrive at a friend’s house for dinner with only one bottle of wine?


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